|I ain't nobody's baby, I ain't nobody's fool
||[Mar. 24th, 2008|01:39 pm]
a heart that's full up like a landfill
|||||Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings- 100 Days 100 Nights||]|
So I've been acting kind of like a spaz lately, especially when it has anything to do with my Seattle trip or K. I don't know what my problem is, it's kind of like I've reverted to acting like I'm 14 again. It's actually kind of funny how I do this sort of thing. For example, when I moved back in with my parents I started acting like I was 17 (how old I was the last time I lived with my parents for more than a summer) and snuck out of the house to meet up with F and stuff like that. I was 14 when I met K and sometimes I think I'm acting like a 14 year old when it comes to my feelings and the way I'm handling the situation. Basically I'm acting really odd and kind of immature. At least I acknowledge it though, yes?
Anyway, I like K this ridiculous amount which is kind of crazy since I haven't seen him for 10 years. billydontrat thinks it might just be nostalgia and I'm sure that could be part of it, but I don't think it's the whole story. It's a strange combo of emotions, from fear that things aren't at all mutual or that I'd be a rebound if I end up as anything, to these totally happy ecstatic smitten feelings. I probably talk to him too much, think about him too much, premeditate how the visit will go to an unhealthy degree, over-analyze what he says and what he says he does and doesn't do, etc. I should probably "play the game" a bit more, but I never was good at such things. As distant as I can sometimes be emotionally, I really do believe I'm more of a heart-on-her-sleeve type of gal and I think that's sometimes to my detriment.
Oh! It was amazing to talk to some of my old chums billydontrat and Luke last night. I love you boys and I miss you both terribly!